Dog Versus Grandkid
(100 people leave the room)
I'm here tonight to talk about my in laws. His family. And how I am not a part of that family.
I know, quit being so negative, ya Ho Bag! I know, I know.
My irritations are all superficial.
Let's talk about the fucking dog. The dog that gets more attention than their only grandkid.
"Dear God, NO! Don't drop anything on the floor! The dog might eat it! She might choke! No no, Youngest-Chlld, don't pet the precious-fucking-dog, you might hurt her! Be careful! Oh no, don't boot the precious-fucking-dog out of the chair. She's more important than anything on this earth!"
I love all animals. Yet for some reason, I feel like my kids are competing with this animal. It's very strange. I hold no contempt for the dog, who is really cool. I'm just not real hip on my in laws.
It's like Youngest-Child doesn't really exist now.
When you have guests, you have lots of food and if they want to rummage around in your fridge and eat an entire jar of mango chutney? Go for it! Eat the table cloth, you're the guest. And I mean that with all sincerity. Did I mention have lots of food and dessert too? I mean, I'm from a family who comes from farming background. They eat a lot. Sure, they're dying off from heart attacks and kidney disease, but that's the background.
When we go to their house, there's barely enough food to feed 7 of us. I'm a grazer. They do not graze! They have a very strict menu and there's no room for snackies. Come on people! Live a little. We live an hour away from you, see you once every 4 months and we pack up our entire family to see the two of you, and there's no snackies. No trays of vegetables. No apples. No bananas.
Dinner was steak. And it was nice of her to buy a separate thing for me because I don't eat steak. Then comes dessert. They slice off cake the size of delicate tissue paper and then the dad goes around and gives everyone a tiny tiny scoop of icecream. BTW, this was in celebration of my oldest's b-day. There was half a cake left. No biggie. Did they send it home with the oldest? No.
This food thing comes out when we have guests for dinner and I fear that even though there's a half a cow roasting for 8 people, I keep asking "Will there be enough????" Then He freaks out and says "Yeah, that should be ok." because he's just thinking of the money and I'm freaking out because he was raised by the Menu-Nazi's. What the hell does he know? 1/2 a cup of broccoli is not enough for 7 people. Just a little FYI there.
And that Precious-Fucking-Dog taking the spot of my baby. The older children are not their grandkids by blood, but the Youngest is. They pay not the attention to her that they used to.
We also keep hearing about how they'll be coming over more now. I have yet to see that happen.
Don't get me started on how great they all think they are.
And him being the mama's boy.
Ok, we have to talk about the mama's boy thing. When we go over there, it's like I'm not even around. That's ok, he can ignore me, that's ok. But it's wierd how he has to be like them, the center of attention. It's hard to have a bunch of people in the room wanting to be the center of attention. His mom has to make a big show about hugging him in front of me. That's actually really gross. Like we're competition or something. And then she was hugging him when we were leaving and i hear something to the effect of "I'm over here making out with my son" and I was just about to
Because let's face it, you just don't say that about your son. Even in jest. So then he starts singing some song about oedipus rex and I was trying to make it in my head like this wasn't really happening.
Sick. Gross. I don't want to have sex and wonder if he's thinking about his mother.
Ick. Sick. Ew. Disgusting. Barforama.
The dog versus grandkid thing is just too strange.
+++Update.
I went to my mom and dad's tonight to vent to my mom about the dog vs. grandkid situation. I walk into the house. My dad comes in after I do, from his shop area. We both go into the living room and peer at my mom, who is sleeping in the recliner. She wakes up to both of us staring at her.
She says "Oh did you just get back?" meaning from the in laws house. I said yes.
My dad turns to look at me and gets right to the heart of the matter. "How's the dog?" he said with a very wise grin.
I cut loose. "That fucking dog!"