Chicks Rule!

You think the whole world resolves around you, people don't care if you're fat, thin whatever, people have more important things to worry about. "you are helping me control the urge to start throwing my food up" <<< I mean what the hell is that, do you think that really cuts it? If you have the urge, you can't control it. You just all seem to think it's so cool to say you identify with protitutee. "I was unaware that you were part of the bienge and purge groupie clan- if you have read far enough back in my diary then you know I am." <<< Why are you so proud of this? I'm not saying it's wrong or right, it's good to hear so many people have found help in reading this, but there is no need to be so proud of it. I don't think you should 'shut up,' you should be open about how you feel, spread awareness about the consequences, saying its a 'group' thing just akes it more acceptable. (Have to be so careful how to word it) I'm not saying its not acceptable, I'm just saying that not all people who are bulimic actuall do it because they have a 'disease.' I'm not aiming this at prostituee, who am i judge what you right in yor diary, but some of the comments on here were so lame i had to comment back. I'm all for freedom of speech and thought but you know. So to justify myself, and possibly contradict myself, I'll tell you a bit about me. I'm gay, I have aids, I was bullemic from 13-17, but not because I hated my body image, i hated what was inside. No, I'm not proud of it, and there are much better ways of expessing your anger and distress. I was born with aids, its not because i'm gay(just to quell the sterotyping) I dropped out of school, self harmed since i was 12, pulling hair out, cutting, burning, alcohol abuse, attempted suicide twice, I'm not proud of it, It's not something I write on my cv, It's there, part of my history, obviously I am still here for a reason, so now I try to help people. It's alright telling the whole of the internet world you are bullemic, make yourself feel better for about 5 minutes, but get help. It's not cool just discussing it, do it.

Dude, I totally appreciate your comment. But it's a diary. What person would go around and say all this shit to people they know? Sure, a few people read this, but none know me. Nor do I think or have ever thought the world revolves around me. It might sound like I'm being bitchy here and I'm not, I totally appreciate you leaving your comments. And it doesn't make me feel better for just 5 minutes, it really gives me food for thought.

As I stated before, I have no patience for people who have problems and don't get help. You don't know me at all. For the past year I've been sick and in much pain, which has nothing to do with the bulimia. And for the past year I have done everything to get help for that. Going to the dr's office became a full time job. It is nothing like having AIDS and having to deal with that hell, however, it was hell on earth for me. But I didn't just sit around writing about it, I did what I could to get help for it. Bulimia was put on the back burner and really, it's not something I ever wanted to get help for. It's only now that I've started writing about it that I think I really need to get it over with. And it's not just body issues, but yeah I 've got those. It's all about control, or lack thereof.

None of us feels special for being in this so-called "club". I never thought of it as such because I haven't told people about it. But it's not a club. People can identify, even if they're not bulimic, they somehow have an understanding as to why. And if it helps them, so be it.

I fully understand that no one is putting a gun to my head and making me stick a toothbrush down my throat so that I can make myself throw up my food. I don't feel sorry for myself. It's pathetic and sad. And I need to get a handle on it before I either have heart failure or a seizure or whatever. But only now have I wanted to get help for it.

And I just have a comment about AIDS. I wish that people would stop thinking there's an acceptable way to get AIDS and then there's unacceptable ways to get AIDS. You have AIDS. Period. It's something you will eventually die from. And I'm sure reading this diary thinking "WTF? I'm fucking dying here and what are you whining about???" I can understand that.

The world does not revolve around me. It revolves around my three kids. And here I can get away and spill my guts, no pun intended. And it does help. I don't ever want to give anyone shit about their comments and the fact that there are people on here giving you shit and trying to make you feel bad or stupid about what comments you left, forget about it. I know where you all are coming from. I just know no one here is thinking it's cool for identifying with me.

But I think where he's coming from is that he's dying and what the hell are we complaining about? Like, get the fuck over yourselves already people. But on many levels, we all have our own bullshit to deal with, no matter how much another person thinks of it as insignificant. It's not to us.

Geoff, you weren't rambling at all.

And I have to post this comment now because I should have right after Daniels.

Oy. Again. First off, I think daniel means "revolve". As in, "the whole world revolves around you". I'm not sure who you're referring to with the "people don't care" comment, but if it's the owner of this diary, I'm pretty sure she realizes that. Anyone with half a brain should understand that the world doesn't give a shit about our little neuroses. I agree with you there, but I think you put it crassly, and I think it was a harsh and unnecessary statement in this diary. As for the pride thing, I think you've got it wrong. It's more of a sardonic pride. "Oh, so you're part of our club." It's rueful. At least, that's how I've interpreted it before, and how I see it in this particular case. Unless the author of the comment is one of those attention-seeking types, in which case, I'll concede to you. I am proud of my scars. I have to be. I'll never wear a bathing suit or girl's shorts again. I could either be proud, view them as symbols of a battle I ultimately won (I'm still alive), or I could be ashamed. I don't want to be ashamed. And no, saying it's a "group" thing does not make it more acceptable. It makes US less isolated. Mental illness is a terribly, horribly lonely thing. Look at online communities like the Thin Forum - why do you think it's so popular? It's because people are reaching out, in the darkness, trying to find someone who understands. Because so few do. "It's not cool just discussing it, do it." - This statement doesn't seem to come from someone who has been through all you claim to have experienced. Of course we all should "just do it". But Jesus, man, that's not the easiest thing in the world; sometimes we all need a little support. Are you suggesting that we keep our mouths shut and go get help? I've been self-destructive for eleven years. For nine of those years, I never told a soul. Do you think that's healthy? If a person can't bring themselves to get help, the next best thing they can do is talk about it. Get it out. Tell people, so that they can get support, which in turn will help them to be strong enough to get that help. I definitely don't condone self-pity, but I think not discussing it is part of the reason why there are so many misconceptions about self-destructiveness in our society today. You've obviously run the self-destructive gamut, so why don't you know that lethargy and helplessness and an unwillingness to get help are almost always part of the illness?

I couldn't say it better and quite frankly, I didn't. I read findyourself's comments after I had written my whole thing. So basically I just wasted all your time. Whoever is still tuned in.

Um, yeah. What she said!