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2003-02-21 & 11:50 p.m.

Peeing on my hand stuff


"he doesn't know how to be sexually assertive, we Both want very badly for him to be, but he has no idea how, as a result he gets a little silly right away.

silly is not sexy, giggling is not a turn on."

Um. Thank you Redhorse because that's exactly what I'm sayin.

For me I'm thinking: Don't sit there and smile at me like you're 15 and this is the first time you've felt a girl up over her clothes. We're adults here. To each their own, but how many times can we have this discussion and things not change? I know I should stop bitching about it, but hey wait! This is my fucking diary and I'll bitch if I want to. Grrrr. At least dreamcallie has it right with her relationship, to have it open. It's good that she and her dude are secure enough to do this.

Does anyone else accidently pee on their hand or is it just me? I don't mean a full-on pee session, but when I go to wipe, inevitably some gets on my hand and I'm not sure how that happens. And my arse has discharge. I've given birth 3 times and the last one had a huge head which then caused a 4th degree tear. I don't think the doctor sewed my ass all the way because now when I pass gas, or breakwind or whatever you want to say (just don't say fart because it's unladylike), it feels like there's a bigger hole than there used to be. A month after the last birth, I was going to a Bikram's Yoga class 3 times a week. That's yoga in a room that's over 100 degree's Fahrenheit. It's hot. So we're on the floor doing the lotus and I eek out a fart. By accident. I could not control it. At all. Sure they dude next to me could sweat buckets and you could hear it dripping off him and he soaked his two beach towels to the max and the floor around him and that was acceptable, but I eek out a fart and you should have seen the look the asian lady next to me gave. She just kept looking at me. And I'm thinking "You're a bitch, quit looking at me, bitch face."

I don't go there anymore.

And I don't know what the pee on the hand thing is. It's irritating. Plus, also, my breasts hurt because it's almost tampon time. Woo. fucking. hoohoo. And yes comment man, be glad you are not a woman.



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