Anal Sex Gone Arwy
(Anal sex has just ended, he gets up to use the bathroom. Gee, he's been in there a while)
Him: (coming back into the room) Well, you can honestly say I fucked the shit out of you today.
Me: What?!
Him: I actually fucked the shit out of you
Me: What?! What does that mean? (stricken look on face)
Him: Nevermind
Me: Tell me!
Him: There was a little extra something when I used the towel.
Me: No way! Oh. My. God. You're not serious are you?
Him: Yeah.
Me: I'm really sorry (mortified)
Him: that's ok, I knew where I was going.
Me: No way. I don't believe it. This is like the worst
Him: Hey well, at least I didn't wipe my dick on your curtains!
(comment stemming from an earlier joke: How do you make Martha Stewart scream twice? Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on her curtains)
Me: (laughing with my face in the pillow) Oh No you di'nt!
Later on that day, me leaving a message:
"Oh hey, the cat was just taking a shit and it made me think of you...for some reason."
Ok, tell me guys and gals, if this happens, how the hell is he ever going to want to A. Fuck you in the ass and B. Ever want to go down on you again.
Sure, we take risks when we take it up the ass but how can you respect someone after that? I mean, you pull out and there's logs all over your dick? I mean, it's his fault for doing it in the first place, but c'mon.
Me: Are you sure it wasn't blood?? I'm on the last legs of my period.
Him: Yeah whatever.
Later on he calls
Him: You know, I was thinking, I didn't actually bend down and smell the towel so it actually could have been blood clottage or whatever, from me fucking you then fucking you in the ass.
Me: (looking at the towel) Well there is blood on the towel, I don't see any shit.
I never ever wanted to EVER have this fucking conversation. EVER.
Never again will I take it up the ass. Ever.
Never again will he ever want to give it to me up the ass. Ever.
Never again will he repsect me. I mean. Sure, he went there but c'mon. We're human. How can you repsect the chick? There is nothing sexy about dirty anal sex. You can know too much about a person.
(I can't believe I'm writing this shit)
*****By the way, check out all the comments from the previous entry. I can't type it enough that the comments are way better than any diary entry I have ever done.
More updating. I have tears running down my face from laughing so hard. Please tell me what happens when you have anal sex in a spa pool.
Yes, a mighty wind is blowing...across the sea...a mighty wind is blowing...blowing you and me.