Geh.
Saturday night was much better than Friday night. People were generally friendlier and the nice waitress was there.
This has never happened to me. I don't remember it happening anyway. Someone preferred me over my party friend. This is someone she's known casually for a while and said she totally blew it with him a long while ago because she was fucking the jerk ex boyfriend. This is Morgan, the dude that party friend asked to dance and he said no, he wanted to dance with her friend (me). Anyway, the reason for me writing this down here was it did feel good and I'll tell you why.
I was not the second choice. This sounds ridiculous, but I'm in a relationship where I am the second choice. My friend D was the person of choice. He was really attracted to her and in no uncertain terms. When he and I started dating, he just didn't feel that way about me. I knew to him (at least this is how I feel), I wasn't as attractive as D. He will swear up and down that this isn't true, but the guy doesn't pursue me. He doesn't say "God, I want you" or "You look really good in that." And I guess that's what I need. Good or bad. I'm the type of person who needs that. But I can't say "Hey, I need you to tell me this..." because it wouldn't be genuine.
The only thing I can say about my ex is I completely knew he liked my body and my looks. Whoever said looks aren't everything is full of it. OF COURSE they really aren't EVERYTHING. And we're not talking the perfect "10" Cindy Crawford. The Beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder kind of thing. I know from experience that this sort of situation calms down, that initial passion and "god how I want you to ...", but in the 7 years of the first marriage, dick head pursued me. I know it was too much. He had a sex problem. It can be too much. But I'm really struggling with the current relationship now. He doesn't seriously say that I am attractive to him. He's never wanted me in that way. I do need that. We have had this discussion. It's the "I understand what you're saying" and then it gets dropped. I've told him time and time again what I need in regards to sex. Point blank. No holds barred. Straight to the point. I don't beat around the bush. I used to do that. But it doesn't get better. He doesn't seem to get it. I could say a thousand times, "hey, could you do it this way" and he would not. It's aggravating.
He must be making out a grocery list in his head.
So anyway. I could talk about this till I'm blue in the face.
Party friend was not happy that Morgan preferred me. He made it very clear to her. She said that. When I talked to him later, he said that. It doesn't make me happy that this was the situation. Probably because I haven't been on this end of the situation. I've been where party friend is and I know she's not used to it. She's also getting over a broken relationship. Morgan is a nice enough guy and attractive, but I also sense a bullshit factor, which party friend doesn't seem to sense. The game player.
Last night for example, Morgan was in ignore mode, which is neither here nor there, but it was noticable. Then he was super friendly and asked me to dance. I hate dancing, but I've seen him and knows he leads well. So that was sort of fun. I sat back down afterwards and talked to party friend and accidently knocked her out of her chair because I was rubbing up against her. Not in a sex way, but in a dance in your chair way. Party friend asked Morgan and his friends (ex sister in law, ex brother in law and ex brother in laws fuck friend) to her house for sort of an after bar thing. Made me nervous because my two older ones were there sleeping. And Morgan was totally for it, totally for it, totally for it, and suddenly changed his mind. Totally blew it off and said something like "next time you don't have a babysitter, lets hang out." Yeah. Right. I'll be waiting in anticipation.
Fine with me, I don't know these people and Ex brother in laws fuck friend was a total and complete bitchorama. Manipulative. Really needed to be the center of attention. I didn't want to hang with her either.
I dunno, Sandi can sure pick them. She seems to like people like that. Hot and Cold. That kind of situation really irritates me. Be straight and honest. Don't be one of those drama people. That must be the bar thing. Meat market. Drama. Hot and cold.
The other factor in my current relationship is that he's never home, even when he is home. Then he wants to be touchy feely or have sex. Uh, no. You're basically a stranger and make no effort to spend time with me or take my anywhere for a date, but you want to be all touchy, kissy and sexual.
Ok, and this is just the truth. His oral hygiene isn't always the best. Well, he brushes his teeth. They're discolored because his mom took some medication while pregnant with him and it made his teeth yellow. I could give a shit less about that. But he always has bad breath. And when he kisses me, he seems to want to a tonsilectomy. Engulf my mouth. Blah. This is another thing I have told him point blank is a factor for me, no matter how hard it is to hear, and he doesn't get it. It doesn't change. I don't beat around the bush, but I try my hardest not to sound bitchy. Just trying to state the facts. Just the facts.
I have problems. We have problems. Where this goes? Dunno. And I don't have to know right now. I'm just going with the flow right now.