I'm what?
I don't have much to write today. Very unmotivated. I went to a birthday party last night, ate cake and immediately purged it from my system. I don't know what I was thinking. Thinking I could eat it and not feel total guilt for doing it. I don't understand why I can't just eat normally. Why is it that I can't eat food and not thinking about it. I feel so much guilt and that's not normal. Food is what family gatherings are centered around. There's nothing wrong with that. I eat healthy most of the time. I don't eat meat or animal product. Except for the cake last night. That I threw up after I drank something to make it come up easier. I've screwed myself up. My stomach cramps furiously for no reason during the day. Painfully. Why do I do this to myself? I'm a mental case. I'm fucked in the head. I hate being this way. I hate pulling at my clothes all the time. Adjusting so I don't look like the disgusting person I think I am. I shower. Hot showers. Long hot showers just to get rid of the grease that never seems to leave my skin. I hate my skin. I can't be comfortable in my skin. What am I?
I saw a guestbook entry a while back in some other guestbook and the person was saying "Finally, a diary that isn't goth, wiccan or self loathing..."
I'm thinkin what's wrong with that?
My cat and I are watching Lord of the Rings. She's pretending not to watch, but I can tell she's very interested in Boramir.