Therapy
Dreamcallie made a very good point about suggesting an open relationship to my significant other. I have thought of this possibility, but not sure I would like the possible consequences. He's a very good person. Rare. I seem to always go for the effeminate males. He's pretty sensitive. The kind of man who eats comfort food when he's upset. The kind who doesn't make comments about how great looking a woman happens to be on TV (my fucking ex did that all the time. All the time.) He doesn't look at porn. Or says he doesn't. I don't think he does though. I see him on the internet and it's always pertaining to his job and hobbies. Sure he could be, but I don't think so.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure he'd be very against an open relationsip. I admire Lucretia because she was very open about the fact that she wante to be with other people and told her husband so. She was out there with it. I just know my significant other couldn't handle it. He'd feel insecure. He already feels very insecure about the fact that I am not having an orgasm. This isn't his fault. I just think we have some real problems with sex.
So I could always sneak around, but then I'd be a shitty person. Non-monogomy really kills relationships and affects a lot of people and I'm trying to figure that out. Why are we monogomous? I shouldn't think about it because it just is.
I think it does work for some couples. I saw a Dateline show were this couple in their 50's were swingers. He was ...ew. She was hot. She had a great body. So I could see someone wanting to do her. But him? Ew. Like straight porn. Ew.
Maybe it's all hormonal with me. I was never like this, but now I'm just a little too focused on sex and guys with nice bodies. I see the staring dude and just want to push him up against a wall bite his neck. I want to press my body against his and slowly work my mouth up to his lips and gently bite and taste him. I want to slide my arms around his waist to pull him into me. Feel his cock slowly harden.
See dudes, this is therapy for me. Possibly if I write a little about this, it'll help me get this energy out. It might be crude, but I guess I don't care too much. It truly does help. I don't want to cause more problems in this relationship. Not that there are big problems. It's the sex people. I'm trying quite hard to be ok with what I have. And it's hard.
I am trying to analyze why I like gay porn. I am not a big fan of seeing anal sex. Just the thought of a guy pulling out and seeing something a little extra doesn't do it for me. But I get off on the blow jobs and the noise and emotion that they put into their "performance". I mean, they're really going at it in a big way and seeming to be completely turned on. Making a lot of noise. I do like to see a guy masturbate. I found the best picture of a guy all soaped up in a shower, jerking off.
Gotta run