TAMPON TALK
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TAMPON TALK!
This time I've gained 6-7 pounds in water weight and it's all around my ankles. My period just started so I'm hoping by tomorrow night I'll have deflated.
Something else that comes with my lovely period is the wonderful
IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME
Ah yes. My stomach is bloated. I can't button my pants without there being a ton of pain and I can't sit very well because it feels like there's a huge stick up my recutm that's jabbing my insides when I sit. My recutm is probably the circumference of a carrot and it feels like the size of a watermelon. My stomach is cramping. It's like you wish you could pass gas and you can't. And you can't. And then when you do, it's a little at a time.
Sorry dude. No mystery. At all.
Abdominal pain or discomfort in association with bowel dysfunction is the main symptom. Symptoms may vary from person to person. Some people have constipation (hard, difficult-to-pass, or infrequent bowel movements); others have diarrhea (frequent loose stools, often with an urgent need to move the bowels); and still others experience alternating constipation and diarrhea. Some people experience bloating, which is gas building up in the intestines and causing the feeling of pressure inside the abdomen.
It's all about pressure and diarrhea! Which I have a lot. Of. Pressure. Not so much the diarrhea. I eat a lot of fruit matter so the constipation isn't such a problem.
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I was thinking more about suicide. I am not suicidal. At times I wish I ceased to exist. To me that's very different than actively wanting to kill yourself. I don't want to do that. I'm sure it's part of my depression. The wanting to cease to exist. At times I just see life as this hopeless thing. I feel like it's the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. That depresses me and makes me wonder what in the hell I am doing here in the first place.
It's also really difficult to explain depression to someone who doesn't have it. I'm sure us depressimaniacs are very self absorbed and that's sorta true. Because when you're brain is at a certain level, all you can think about is how bad you feel. You want to be left alone. Wait, don't leave me alone!
Anyway, I was thinking about it today. The thing that scares me is I'm really sure I never would, but what sent my friend D there? Could I get there? If my dad died, or my brother died or the unthinkable, if one of my kids didn't make it through something, what would I do?
Guess it's pointless thinking about it until it happens. But so many people seem like they're ok, and they're not. That gets me thinking a million miles a minute.