Chicks Rule!

I keep a couple few diaries and this one is the one I think of as my page where I don't want people who actually know me to see me complaining about them if I do. I had this fucker locked for a long time. It's generally for whatever I'm thinking, those odd split second thoughts that go through your head but you don't tell people. I'm slowing those down and dissecting. And some of it isn't. Some of it is stuff I haven't really vocalized with other women and want to see if people have the same shit happen to them.

I like the interaction I get on this page. No doubt. Everyone knows my writing sucks, it's the comments that keep everyone coming back. My friend says it's sort of a voyeristic kind of thing that I enjoy and maybe so. I was seeing it as breaking down some of my mental barriers because I've had a lot of mental blocks over the years when it comes to writing. A lot of fear when it comes to people reading my writing. Huge fears. Whatever it is, I've found I'll write about anything. I haven't figured out for myself if it's bad or good. Does there have to be black and white? Good or bad? How about just is.

I write about sex a lot. And masturbation. Maybe not as often. It's a focus for me. I am very sexual. I think when people think of me having kids and then read this, it's sort of like the "Ew" factor as it is if you hear/happen to walk in on your parents going at it.

I mean, Ew.

I have kids. That doesn't mean I stop my sexuality. I don't think it makes me a sinning person when I write or talk about sex, sex acts or masturbation. I just don't show the children that side of me. I'll discuss sex in general terms with them and answer their questions, but I don't go into ANY detail with them. I feel it isn't appropriate.

Again, it's probably the "OH barf!" factor for people.

I just like sex. Blow jobs. Masturbation. Jerking someone off. Being naked, which doesn't have anything to do with sex in my mind.

I've watched porn in the past. It was easily accessable because former husband was really into it. It just isn't my thing. I feel it's sad that women do it. I agree with my friend that when it all boils down to it, women get the short end of the stick, so to speak. Whether the woman feels it or not, it ends up being an exploitation of women.

I just like this forum. I write when I want to and anything I want to write. I don't consider myself a deviant, even though I'm sure there's some who disagree. In fact, I know I'm particularly mild in comparison.

Sex isn't a bad thing. Talking about masturbation isn't bad. Especially talking about the mundane menstrual cycle is not bad. Or even embarrassing. It's just a thing.

Anyway, I dunno.