Letting go?
I have to say, my first marriage was to a dick head and he had the most wonderful mother. She was the most to-the-point, gracious, giving woman I have ever met. The type of person you want to be. And she was a lawyer. She didn't act like it though. She sort of had this Oklahoma twang. The woman would give you the shirt off her back. Can't believe her son is the dick that he is. His mom was the best MIL there ever was. Ever. I stayed with them for 10 days. Couldn't stand his dad. DIL sucked.
MIL. Still cool. When she's in town, she still calls me. Congratulated me on my baby. On my marriage. The woman has no enemies. I hated to divorce the dick head only because his family (mom and sisters) were such good people.
And now I end up with MIL who is so self absorbed. She could give a shit less what I am up to. What her grandkid is up to. The fact that the children are such neat people. They're doing so much and Youngest is doing so much and changing so much. How the fuck can you not want to see that? To be a part of that? I don't understand and never will.
Know what happened though? I came home from my parents house bitching about Precious fucking Dog, and he came down the stairs and asked me if I had gotten a wierd vibe at his parents.
Oh hell yeah.
He said that it really pissed him off that his dad was holding Precious Fucking Dog for a half an hour, yet he had to prompt his dad to hold his only grandkid.
He listed off a lot of other things.
Heaven forbid that the dog should get a hold of and swallow beads when you in turn set them out for the Youngest who will more than likely put the pretties in her mouth. Nothing said about that.
So he called his mom and very nicely chewed her out.
Yeah, mama's boy actually saw that his can-do-no-wrong mother isn't all he's cracked her up to be. Can you tell I've been harboring resentment for a long long time?
I'm really not this cold and callous.
==================================
In other news. I was thinking I am wierd about men touching me there. I'm not sure why. It's scary. They second it feels uncomfortable I'm clamping my legs together and yelling "Hey watch it Sir!" or "SOFTER!!!! A LITTLE SOFTER!"
I say MEN TOUCHING ME THERE like a lot of men do this. No. Just one.
But I get all freaked out and shit.
Do not touch my pussy unless you have passed Prostituee's Instructional Guide to Touching Pussy Parts.
Anyway, I was thinking how I like that he's all for sex. Comfortable with sex. One of the first times I was giving him a blow job, he took a pillow and put it behind his bed so he could watch me going down on him.
He was watching it. Enjoying it. Not worried about anything. Just being in the moment.
It takes me so long to get into it..sometimes. I'm worried that he'll be disgusted by my body. By me. And it sucks. I try to just let go and how the hell do you let go anyhow?