Plastic surgery
I went to my friends house last night. She works for 3 well known plastic surgeons at Children's hospital. These dudes do reconstructive surgery for kids that were never born with facial bones, etc.
One of them offered to do a tummy tuck for her and boob job and she could make payments to them.
Let me tell you, I have never been jealous of my friend until now. She's had kids like I have and has the kind of skin that doesn't bounce back because we're both scandanavian and have that really light light skin.
After kids I have extra skin around the stomach area and my boobs sag more than ever. I've already had body issues since before I was born. Now it's fighting those demons more than ever. I'm trying so hard to be ok with my body. I don't want to ever voluntarily go under the knife, ya know? I can't justify spending the money. I think the biggest thing is in this lifetime I have to overcome this self esteem thing. I have to like myself the way I am. 100 years ago they didn't have all this shit. They cared about the way they looked for sure, but they didn't have ABS OF STEEL or BUNS OF STEEL.
They just had corsets. So I don't know what's worse. I hate control top panty hose. I hate panty hose. I will not wear control top anything. I will not wear body shapers. Because they suck. I hate feeling constricted.
Much worse, I don't like feeling like I need to be Jane Fonda. Oh wait, I don't like her. I don't want to feel like I have to look like Cameron Diaz. She does what she does for a living. I went through the Victoria's Secret catalog with my girls and showed them how the women weren't real. They are real people, but they do shit to the pictures to make them look "perfect". I showed them where they extended the legs, cut out parts to make the legs look skinnier and used computer tricks to make their stomachs look flat and their skin look flawless.
I've read where African American women overall feel much better about themselves no matter what size than white girls. I want to know why. I want to know how they're raised. I was 20/20 to fucking follow a few African American families around to see what they do differently. I was on a ride a long with a cop not too long ago and we saw this woman walking. She had a booty that was so OUT THERE and then when we passed her, her top was all regular. You know, she was proportioned until you got to the booty and it was way out there. And she was wearing shit to show it off.
I want to know how people aren't self conscious. I want to know how they wear clothes and not think about how they look. I want to know how they're not always tugging at their shirts and pants and worried about their skin showing.
The mysteries of life. How does one get past this? I'm really trying hard. I'm not talking shit about myself as much. I'm taking compliments as best I can. I'm making myself look at my naked body in the mirror and not tell myself I'm ugly.
I felt ugly before kids, plastic surgery isn't going to change that, is it? If I had a tummy tuck, would I really be happy with myself?