Shit
I don't know why it happened, but I crashed really fast. I sat on the couch and cried and all the kids were worried. That was a shitty thing to do to them...to worry them like that. I'm sitting there bawling on the couch for no reason and they have no idea what to do. I didn't know what to do. For most of the day I didn't function. 9 year old was getting 3 year old what she needed and that is bad. I should be up off my ass getting 3 year old what she needs. Middle child is only 9 and I'm 33. I don't know what happened. I felt like I couldn't move.
I asked him to stay home last night and he said he couldn't, he had this thing to do today. Today I was at that low point and told him I really needed him and he said there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he could do about it. Because being at work was more important than being with your wife who was having a meltdown for no apparent reason.
Why'd I marry him? Why do we marry anyone? I liked him. At the time I didn't realize or see what this gaming thing was to him...didn't realize it would be more important than our marriage.
I asked him if he was going to get our anniversary off. "Oh, well, I'll push for that." Every fucking year it's the same. He talked a couple of weeks ago about going to a town that we like and then I ask him about it past few days and "Oh, well, I'll push for the time off." Gauranteed he hasn't asked for it. I'm not going to remind him. It's totally like the ex, in a slightly different way. At least he ACTS like he likes me...he just never follows through.
Just shows how even less important I am to him. We don't ever do anything. And he wonders why I don't want to have sex with him. It bugs him. But if things aren't right, if he puts this company first that's treated him like ass, am I going to want him? Get real. I know he's having a hard time and I'm having a hard time seeing past the fact that he wants to put 150% of his effort into this company until he leaves.
That is just fucked up and whacked. You give your notice, and you don't slack off. You finish up what you need to and move on. But he's got all these plans that he has to do before he leaves and for what?
He just eats, breathes and sleeps this shit. The other day my friend was talking about getting us each a pair of scrubs because they were so comfortable. I was thinking, GREAT for sleeping and his automatic response was "Oh this would be so cool for this gaming theme at work..."
What is that? He says it's his dream to be working here and it's what he's been wanting to do since he was 8. That's fine, but can you keep this in perspective? He just can't. I think he takes it too far.