Tampon Talk
It may be getting old, but ya know, when you think about it, who doesn't want to talk about gushing blood. I woke up from a nap and was bleeding like a stuck pig.
Lately, I've been trying to love my uterus. Love my uterus. I LOVE my uterus. It is a gift.
A gift from HELL. Only the devil could construct something so vile and evil as a uterus. Vile in the sense that we as women have to bleed and be in pain. And when you think about it, it's hell for guys too. We get PMS, PMDD and say things to men like "Do I look fat in these jeans?" This is a trap for men. Word of caution. Never say "You look fine." One word can have a thousand meanings for a woman. When it's Tampon Time, we tend to get a little over-analytical. Do say, enthusistically even, "You look great in those jeans!" Do not say this too enthusistically. Probably the most important thing to remember here is stay away from the word "fine".
Men. During this Tampon time, do not say to your woman that other women look hot. Especially if the other woman happens to be a friend. This automatically translates into "I really want to fuck your hot friend when you're not watching". Or, it could mean "I want to be with anyone else but you.". Or, it could mean "You should really start to look like your hot friend". Or all of the above. You get the picture. You want sex after tampon time, make sure to tell your woman that she looks great. All of the time. Look at other woman. Just make sure she doesn't see you doing it.
Tampon Time is hell for everyone, thus why the devil had to be the creator of the UTERUS.
No wait, I LOVE my uterus.
Let's all say it together.
"We love our Uteri."
I still have yet to buy those things at Lunapads.com. Those suckers are expensive to buy at one time. We never seem to have extra money lying around. I am still using OB, so it's one step further towards:
(insert echo)
A few weekends ago at a bar with party friend, I totally dumped my purse out on the floor and picked the stuff up. A woman came by and said I still had a few things on the floor. Said she had seen me dump it out earlier and said "Those damn OB tampons!"
Word.